Really Bad Car Wreck

No, not mine.  I'm talking about the Presidency of Donald Trump.



There are a lot of similarities though.  Sure I was on a busy highway but never expected to be hit because I was being careful.  Such was the 2016 election.  We knew he was running but nobody expected he would actually get elected. Nobody took his candidacy literally-he'd been a democrat, he is a failed businessman, and his personality was never conducive to being a world leader.

Then BAM!  We were struck while unsuspecting.  We got rear-
ended, as it were.  At first we didn't understand how it happened, or what impact it would have on our daily lives.  It took time for the real damage to show itself.  Like my own brain injury, the country couldn't make sense of much, and our personality changed.  We forgot things.  We couldn't find the right words.  Our self esteem was damaged as well.  We went into a deep depression and were unable to function like we needed to.

Now, years later-in my case two, in his case three, we've had a chance to understand what happened and what the effects were.  We've started to see more clearly.  We've asked questions of the experts so that we can fully understand what is happening.  We've healed enough to come out of our blue funk and walk, crippled, into life again.  We do it with the goal of not just being functional, but being better than ever.  Stronger.  Smarter. More resistant.

We, my fellow Americans and I, have plateaued.  We're not healing any more, or at least are healing very slowly.  New injuries are coming to light that have to be dealt with.  New strategies for a return to what we once were have been embraced.  It's excruciatingly slow.  We continue to do our necessary therapy but it's simply a matter of survival.  Like I have, it is time that my countrypersons fight back.  Resist. 

It is also imperative that the person who caused this life changing, nearly deadly, car wreck is held accountable.  Maybe there's no financial reward, but there is a satisfaction in making our point and maybe preventing the perpetrator from harming someone else.  That's what this impeachment is about-holding accountable a person who injured us, possibly permanently.  The physical injuries will heal, but the post-traumatic stress disorder will have to be dealt with for quite some time.

Don't ignore that.  As certain as I am about my name, I know that the US is suffering from PTSD regardless of where your political leanings lie.  Republicans are injured just as much as democrats.  We are all Americans.  We need to work together to heal both sides.

I'm driving again, at least during the daytime.  I still have a great deal of pain and my mobility is limited.  There are things I can't do, but have learned to reach out and ask for help.  Americans must do this as well-as individuals as well as Americans in general.    We must take as many precautions as possible to keep from being inured in the future.  We have to get back into that which traumatized us.  We have to survive, and we have to heal, and we have to get back to the people we were before this accident.

I do think of it as an accident.  It happened when we got lazy and
weren't looking, which makes us as culpable as the perpetrator.  Even radical Republicans got broadsided by who they thought would be their savior.  Be kind to each other.  Heal.  Don't rip the scabs off.  Seek help from professionals.

Don't let this kick you in the ass for life.

Loss

No witty title for this one.

This morning I chatted via Facebook with a young friend who is going through a sudden and unexpected breakup.  His boyfriend is having issues--big ones, like homelessness, and this is perhaps for the best really.  But nobody wants to hear that while they are grieving.  All I could really do is affirm that his feelings are valid, that he is an attractive person, and that he is absolutely still worthy of love.

That got me thinking.  There are lots and lots of losses in our lives.  Lord knows I've had most of them in my 57 years.  Underneath all of them-every single one-is the loss of what was expected.  When we lose a relationship, even if it is our choice, the loss of the expectation of lifelong companionship (and often much more) can be devastating.  When we move, the loss of familiarity, even if it was a crappy existence, is still painful on some level.  When we lose a parent, the loss of that solid rock, or maybe the loss of the opportunity to make everything "right" with them, goes on forever.  When we lose a child, we lose watching all that they would have become.

It's hard to focus on anything outside that pain, at least at first.  We always take it personally-almost narcissitically, and we go through all the stages of grief.  When we support others in their loss,  we have to first understand that right this second, when the loss is fresh and oozing, there is no solace.  Not one bit of it.  Nobody and nothing can take that pain away.  Like a skinned knee, it has to have some time to scab over so that the real injury can begin to heal.

Most of us though have a really bad habit of picking our scabs.  They itch, or we think they look ugly,

or maybe we think the healing is done so the scab must be removed.  We don't think about it at the time, but if we pick at our scabs, the risk of infection is very real.  So it is with life losses.  When we keep our focus on them, when we pick at them all the time, we are asking for worse.  When we open up we risk the opinions of others, or our own negativity, or the cultural grime we live in, making our wound infected. Eventually it turns to a nasty puss that if left untreated can quite literally kill us.

We have to treat loss like an open flesh wound.  We have to pamper, shelter and treat the wound so it doesn't kill us.

Some people are more vulnerable to infection than others.  Think of your immune system.  If you don't make a lot of antibodies, your healing is really really slow.  If you're healthy you may never even be tempted to pick a scab because it heals quickly and doesn't cause us much trouble.  Our past histories are how we build the antibodies.  Once exposed, we are later stronger and more immune when the disease comes around again.  Bd relationships are like the flu; they mutate and the next time it comes around you are immune to most of it but there's that mutation that makes it start again.  "Chicken soup" from others will help us get through the flu but it doesn't cure it or eradicate it from the planet.  A bandaid over our skinned knee protects it somewhat, but we still have to tend to it with neosporin or at least soap and water.  Sometimes even when we do, it still manages to get infected.

So what do you do if you get infected?  Even the most healthy folks occasionally are given a wound that just will not respond to whatever it is we are using to treat it.  Our wounds start to ooze, and we feel worse and worse until we go get it checked.  The doctor can give ua antibiotics and maybe even clean it up a little.  It might be more painful initially, but it will only benefit us in the long run.

So it is with counseling services.  Whether it is from your minister, or a therapist, or even a good friend, we need to reach out to an "expert" to aid our healing.  The deeper the wound, the more experience and education we need to find in our "doctors".  We have to actually believe we are not going to die from this.  We have to ask for and accept the appropriate help.  We have to do the whole treatment plan.

Eventually, all that will be left is a scar.  Scars, even emotional ones, do two important things.  First, it prevents you from getting the same injury in exactly the same way.  We are at least partially protected.  Second, that scar serves as a reminder that you DID heal and you won't put yourself in the position to get injured in that way again.

I have a lot of scars, inside and out.  I've learned to celebrate them as a survivor.  I've grown from each experience, no matter how painful.  You will too, if you do the healing work involved.  You'll  never get a scar until you quit picking at the scab.  And those wounds we pick at, or that run very deep, will leave a much bigger scar.  Honor that.  Know that the bigger the scar, the bigger the recovery has been.

If you find yourself with a pain you can't fix, or a wound that won't heal, see a professional.  They are better prepared to help you heal.  If they offer you helpful drugs, take them.  If they tell you to rest, whatever that means for your particular injury, rest.  And don't forget to go back after  you heal for a checkup.

You got this.